I'm 38 years old (...and 230 days), sitting here wondering (well actually for the past 24 hours bloody well panicking!) about how I am going to start off this blog and what on earth I will find remotely interesting and funny to talk about and share with whoever wants to read and listen to what 'I' would want to write about....
Then it dawned on me... Get my cous Anne down for the weekend and we can chat about it... get drunk on masses of wine... smoke da fags.. and come up with something remotely 'looky likey' to her amazing stories of what she creates on her blog.. and it will all be al'rite'!
However things don't always go to plan... firstly I am 5 and a half months pregnant and I gave up 'da fags' 5 months ago when I first experienced the ' positive' shocking pregnancy test, and secondly once huge amounts of alcohol are consumed usually with Annie and me it turns into a garbled mass of 'do you remember when stories... of how we were when we were younger and I used to wet the bed.....! So nothing... yes nothing was achieved last night apart from a bloody great head ache!
I am actually sat here at 6 in the morning while everyone is sound asleep, as I have woken up in the middle of the night racked will guilt at what I drank last night and I am currently sat here downing 2 pints of lemonade and half a pack of biscuits and feeling pretty worse for wear!
When I first found out I was pregnant I was overjoyed... I thought at 38 I had passed up my chance to be a mother and then after a brief 'amazing' fling with my (now) partner, suddenly fell 'preggers' and my instant reaction was 'NOooooo...this can't be happening, surely my eggs dried up long ago...!' to 'WOW... finally I have the chance to do what I secretly have longed for and be a proper 'mum' and not be a 'part time mum' or a 'step mum' or any one else's mum for that matter but 'a real mum'. My very own child. I can be part of that elite club... finally.
However once the joy of this miracle subsided I realised that, firstly I would need to endure the severe pain of labour... (shit..this wasn't something I could just pick up at tesco and claim my award points.?.!) secondly I would need to do something with my unhealthy lifestyle and 'give up the fags', 'give up the booze' eat healthier etc etc.
So I sat about creating this perfect 'pregnancy and growing bump' with limited amount of 'bad stuff', and so far don't get me wrong it has been great and 'yes' I have been surprisingly 'good'. No Caffeine, no alcohol, no fags, no partying, no junk food etc (feel better than I have done for years... I highly recommend this to all you 38 something alcoholics....)
I have, at least for now managed to keep off the fags for 5 months and the mere smell or whiff of nicotine makes me feel physically sick (more about that another time!).
But when it comes to a glass or two or wine I have never been one to 'be shy' so last night I had 'a few' and am feeling mighty sorry for myself this morning. It is not necessarily that I drank 'too much' I mean I wasn't drunk or anything but its the pre conception of what you can and can't do when you are 'preggers' that gets to me....
They say 1-2 units of alcohol- once or twice a week is acceptable because they have no idea what kind of damage this does to the unborn baby.... but I have had NO alcohol for a number of weeks so does that mean I have a store bank of units?? I certainly used a few of them last night...
Anyway they say I am expecting a boy... I am overjoyed. I have no doubt that he is and will be the most important thing in my entire life and as far as I am concerned this is a complete miracle, so I am not about to hit the bottle or anything and blow it but I can't help feeling 'pissed off' with every snidy stare, every judgement look from a complete stranger on how I am not supposed to be while I am pregnant, ... how I shouldn't be drinking, or even be in a 'pub' for that matter!
How dare a pregnant woman venture out on a Saturday night and sing Karaoke with my pals, actually stand in the smoking area and sniff the reminiscent of my past life and drink ' a few' beverages to lighten my load.
|Me sporting a mexican moustache in the Kareoke bar!|
I am sure that if my little boy survives 9 months in my womb and the best part of 15-20 years in full time education..... and 2012 doomsday when the world is allegedly going to end anyway.... I will get his SAS daddy to train said sprog to be an experienced Ninja fighting warrior and go back and kill all those petty ignorant strangers who threw me a judgemental look and the sight of me drinking a glass or two of wine and lemonade..... ha.
Anyway it is now 7am and I feel a little better after glugging some lemonade ....so I shall retire back to my pit for a couple of hours before the in-laws arrive for Sunday dinner.( I may as well make the most of these Sunday morning lie-ins as apparently this all stops when you have a child... oh dear what have I let myself in for..!)
Sorry if the spelling isn't 'up to scratch' ...but it is very early on a Sunday morning....
Bye for now ..... x CJ